There's One in Every Class

You know how every semester, no matter the class, you always get those same kinds of people in class?  If it isn't the student that can't be on time to class to save their life, it's the person that constantly forgets to put their phone on vibrate.  One of personal favorites is the guy who not only comes in late, but comes in late carrying a bag from Subway or Burger King.  Not only is he going to disrupt the class by entering late, but he also plans on continuing his annoying existence in class by making everyone listen to his paper bag or sandwich wrapper rustle as he eats.  You're already late jackass, just stay in the food court and eat. 

But as annoying as the late enterer/eater and the phone ringer guys may be, there is no one worse than the know-it-all.  You know the one.  He just can't wait to raise his hand or talk over anyone who dares debate him.  He or she may even argue with the professor on occasion.

I've got one of those in my Poetry class right now.  This guy never shuts up.  I don't mind people that like to speak up in class since it alleviates pressure from me to do so.  I'm not exactly forthcoming with my theories on what some 16th century English poet is trying to say in the form of a Petrarchian sonnet.     

My main beef is that this is material that is open to all kinds of different interpretation yet this guy argues his theories as if he was the one dipping the poet's quill in ink for him as he wrote (what do I mean by dipping his quill in ink?).  He raises his voice to squash any potential differing interpretation like a child who covers his ears in order to block out mommy telling him to eat his veggies.  I can't count how many times in the four meetings we've had this semester that the professor himself has said that there are no wrong answers, yet this guy remains vigilant.

On the opposite end of the spectrum from the know-it-all is the guy who asks the professor to repeat every word he or she says.  You guessed it, I've got one of them in a class, too.  This guy raises his hand every time the prof stops to take a breath.  I understand that the professors in upper division classes seem to lecture twice as fast as they do in the lower division.  It is for that reason that I went to the bookstore and bought one of those mini cassette recorders this week.  Is there a way in which I could subtlety suggest that this boner do that?

I'm going to put up a poll this week asking who you, my very few loyal readers, find the most annoying.  If you think I've left an annoying person out, feel free to share.

On a sports note, my request for a little love for the volleyball team did not go unheard as ESPN posted a nice article on the Lady Panthers at ESPNU.com.  

Here is the link to the article: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=3567688

Like That's Like, So Like, Totally Annoying!

Listen to this.  I was like, in class yesterday and I saw this girl and she was like, "Hey!" and I was like, "Hey back!" and then we were like talking and stuff and then our professor was like, "Excuse me," and then we had to like stop talking and all that but it was like so cool.

Does anyone else think that sounded absolutely ridiculous?  I am not joking when I say that I had a girl in one of my summer classes that talked like that.   Only she may have used "like" even more than I did in my example.  Listening to her talk was as painful as violently dragging my testicles across a dull, rusty cheese grater.  It might have been more painful since I've never actually tried to grate my testes, meaning I have no frame of reference on which to base my comparison.  Needless to say, I was very pleased to see her in one of my classes yesterday.  Not only was she in one of my classes, but she was trying to get the professor to let her into another.

The problem is that she isn't the only person I hear talk like that on campus.  Its everywhere.  I hear it while waiting in line at Starbucks, when I'm cruising the aisles at Target or at home watching so-called "reality" television. 

Now I know some of you readers might be saying, "They're just kids, just out of high school.  They'll grow out if it."  

I don't think so.  These are upper division literature classes, meaning this girl, based on the fact that she's been in at least two of them and I saw her trying to get into a third, must be majoring in ENGLISH!  Not only is she most likely majoring in English, but she's into her upper division course work which means she isn't some kid fresh out of high school deserving of the benefit of the doubt.

I don't just hear this from the kids either.  In another summer class I had a teacher that talked liked that.  Everything was "like this" and "like that,"  and it scares me.  It just proves my theory that the standards are being lowered.  I used to feel safe in knowing that, if someone were to escape college unprepared and enter the real world, they would be exposed during job interviews, providing they could even get them.  

I can see the interview now.

"So tell me why you would like to work for the advertising firm of Smith and Jones," the interviewer would ask.

"Well, its like, ever since I was like a little kid, I would like see beer commercials and stuff and think to myself, 'Hey, like I bet I could do that.'" Our rocket scientist would answer.

To which the interviewer would respond, "Well, we do make more than beer commercials."

"Yeah, but like the beer commercials are the coolest."

I used to feel safe knowing that an interview that went down like that would surely result in the applicant's resume being filed under N for Never, S for Stupid or B for Burn.  But now it appears that the clowns might be throwing a coup and taking over the circus.

I'm becoming Mr. Hand and the world is full of Spicolis.

    

Annoying People, Part Deux

I took last week off from the Annoying People post mainly because of forgetfulness.  My one and only loyal reader, Miss Marie ;), suggested bad drivers as my next topic but I'm not quite sure how much bandwidth eblogger.com has; that topic would be endless.

So I was having a hard time coming up with my next annoying person to talk about, since I've been spending my 2 weeks off from school with my ass planted on the couch.  I did make it out of the house on Wednesday to go see Tropic Thunder--f'n hilarious, BTW--and I found this week's annoying person in the theater.

No, it's not the people that text during a movie, although those mother f'ers are annoying.  Do they not realize how distracting the illuminated screen is?  Nor is it the people who wait for the exact moment that the movie starts to open their Twizzlers, Milk Duds and Raisinets, with the plastic wrappers crinkling and crackling loudly throughout the entire theater.  It's not even the people that talk during the movie, although I would like to slap the Jesus out of them.

Nope, this week's annoying person is the jackass who, despite the fact that it's the middle of the afternoon and the theater only has 12 people in it and TONS of empty seats EVERYWHERE, has to come and sit down RIGHT NEXT TO ME.  Ever heard of personal space jackass?  There are entire rows that are empty, is the chair two seats down from me that attractive?  I mean, I am aware that I ooze sexuality and coolness (sarcasm).  Who wouldn't want to sit next to me?  Sometimes I wish I could f@@k myself I'm so hot (more sarcasm), but good GOD, don't sit right next to me in a movie theater that is 95% empty.  Do you realize how creepy that is? Uber!

Of course, had it been a hot young female that sat next to me I wouldn't be bitching.  Problem was, it wasn't a young hottie, it was Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons. 

This is one of society's unwritten rules.  Like when men go to a public bathroom and there is a wall of urinals with only one or two guys occupying any of them, you NEVER, EVER, EVER go to an empty urinal that is right next to another guy.  You put at least one empty urinal between yourself and the next guy.  If possible, you put the entire wall of empty urinals between you and the next guy.  We are never taught this in any class, it is just instinctual, appropriate social behavior.  Some people just don't get it.  Those are the people that probably spent their high school years either stuffed in their locker or pulling their underwear out of their ass.

Well, enough ranting for today.

Later-ELI3 

 

A New Weekly Feature: Annoying People!

In my ongoing effort to expand my reader base and increase the amount of feedback I am receiving--thank you to the 2 people who have left comments, you know who you are--I am going to try and start a new weekly column titled: Annoying People.

  As those of you reading continue to get to know me you'll come to learn one thing, I'm not much of a people person.  Maybe that's why I sit here on my couch using the internet to communicate rather than being out cavorting with real people.  But I do not think that you necessarily have to be a people person to still be annoyed by stupid people.

This week's annoyance; the lady in front of you at the checkout line that for some reason must empty everything out of her purse in order to pay for her groceries and then hold you up while she, rather than move out of the line, stands at the counter and rearranges everything as she puts it back into her purse.

Tina and I encountered one of these a few weeks ago at Target.  The funny thing was that Tina ended up having a spat with the cashier because of the woman in front of us.  You see, it was one of those trips T and I made where we only needed a couple of items so it didn't take very long for the cashier to ring our things up.  The problem was that I couldn't get to the little card swiper thing because the woman in front of us, and her cart, were still right there.  She had apparently needed to empty the contents of her purse completely in order to pay for her purchases and was now putting them back into her purse in painstakingly slow fashion.

This is when the cashier said to me (I'm paraphrasing here), "Sir, you need to move up to pay for your things." 

That didn't make Tina too happy and she snaps back something like, "Its kind of hard for him to do that with that lady still there."

Now the lady hears this and suddenly feels bad.  "Oh, I'm sorry." She says as she suddenly discovers how to put the stuff into her purse quickly and moves along.

Now the cashier starts apologizing to Tina, who is in no mood to hear it.  She thought the cashier should have been directing her comments to the slowpoke, not me.  I was pissed at the slowpoke for being so clueless and self involved.  So now everyone is pissed except for the lady who caused everything in the first place.  She just moved her self involved person right along.

Therein lies the problem.  We've become a self involved society.  Over at Working Girl's blog--one of the best blogs going, IMO--she had a post earlier in the week in which she questions whether chivalry is dead.  She makes some good points and in some cases I think she may be right.  But I do not think that every jerk that doesn't open a door or hold an elevator for a woman is unchivalrous.  What has happened is that all of the Blackberries, Bluetooth gadgets, Wifi hotspots and other tools that make us accessible 24/7, no matter where we are at, have over inflated our sense of self importance to the point that we make ourselves oblivious to our surroundings and the needs of others.  The result, in a nutshell, is the loss of common courtesy.

WOW!  What a diatribe.  I guess I am so self involved that I think that you guys have nothing to do other than peruse my ramblings.  I hope they were entertaining.