Ode to the Candidates

In honor of the fact that I hate election time more and more each passing day, much like the growing animosity I have for poets who just can’t spit out their feelings in comprehendible prose, I have combined the two things over which I am losing both hair and sleep into one blog entry.
For those of you who have absolutely zero reading comprehension and find my poem as difficult as I find Edmund Spenser and Ezra Pound to understand, allow me to summarize: I hate politics and politicians. None of them are trustworthy, no matter what they say. I get tired of the fact that, every four years, none of the candidates can tell you what they are going to do. They only seem to be able to tell you what their opponent can’t do.
Senator McCain, I want to hear your stance on stem cell research, not that Barack Obama once got a speeding ticket or pooped in his diaper when he was six months old. Senator Obama, can you tell me your plan for the economy or are you only going to tell me that Senator McCain is old and that he pooped in his diaper last week?
Address the issues people. For Christ’s sake, address the issues.
Enjoy this poem, it is meant to make you both think and laugh, not get angry.

Ode to the Candidates

Age or experience to me matter not:
Tis the issues that shall earn my vote.
Adultery, race, disability or awards begot;
None of these of which do I take note.

Doest thou believe in a woman’s right to choose?
For I believe the choice is hers to make,
If against her will her dignity she did lose,
Or due to health she thinks for the child’s sake.

Speaking of health, how do you so lean?
Should the government pay at the risk of taxes high?
Or should I lose the benefits of which my boss had to seen,
And sickly, poor and uninsured shall I die?

Evenly will you charge society a tax?
And a flat rate choose to let Congress pass.
Or on the rich or poor will you be lax?
Until there no longer is a middle class.

My love, my life and property will you let me defend?
By maintaining my right to own a gun
Or is my right to bear arms nearing its end?
At which point it is the criminals who have won.

About the economy, how do you plan to proceed?
Please don’t roll the dice and hope for mere blind luck.
For even I know a solid plan is what we need,
Or the repo man might come and take my truck.

The borders? Do you plan to leave them open?
Letting any and all continue to arrive.
Allowing cheap laborers to continuously come in,
And take the jobs for which born Americans may strive.

Terrorists! Terrorists! Terrorists!
Please tell me you have a strategy to eradicate
Those who cheer our demise with tight clenched fists
And kill our innocents out of misguided religious hate.

The War! The War! The War!
Will it end or will it drag on?
It’s time to bring the troops home from afar,
And allow a mother to lay her eyes on an unfamiliar son.

Hussein! Hussein! Hussein!
A moniker that reminds the world of evil
But is a man made a person by his name?
Is every man a pervert that shares the name Bill?

Abuse! Abuse! Abuse!
That is what Sarah Palin did with her elected power.
I hope to be as much or even more so amused
When you break your neck falling off that ivory tower.

When you enter the booth choose carefully who you elect
Vote based on the facts and not on television smears
The wrong vote and this country could end up wrecked
And there is nothing we can do about it for another four long years.

I'm Very Happy for You, Now Crawl Back Under Your Rock

Politics is a subject I try hard to avoid but this morning I can’t help myself. I was doing some research on other blog sites last night, something I do regularly in an ongoing effort to improve my own blog, and I came across a blog encouraging everyone to vote McCain/Palin because of her militant pro-life stance. Shortly after that I came across another encouraging the same vote because of the anti-gay marriage issue.
I thought that as a country we were supposed to separate church and state but with election time rapidly approaching, more and more of the pro-life, anti-gay marriage religious kooks are crawling out from under their respective rocks and shoving their views down our throats. Unless one of our candidates has a flashing red Batphone that only God has the number to—technically I guess that makes it a Godphone---these shouldn’t be issues, in my opinion. If abortion is murder in God’s eyes, then I’m sure He will deal with the pro-choice populous when the time comes. Same with gay marriage, if He doesn’t condone it, then that is between him and the homosexual community.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, I believe in God. I consider myself a Christian although not a practicing one as I have many issues with organized religion. My relationship with God is between He and I. Personally, I don’t believe in abortion or gay marriage. That being said, I don’t believe it is within my right to impose my belief upon others.
I think a woman who has been raped should have the choice of whether she wants a daily reminder of the experience for the rest of her life. Parents who know that their child will be physically or mentally challenged should have the right to decide if that is a burden they wish to assume. I think it is selfish to terminate a pregnancy because you don’t want the added responsibility of taking care of a challenged child but once again, if it’s not my burden or my child, it’s not my call.
Same goes for gay marriage. As I have mentioned before, my employment history is filled with retail sales and merchandising jobs, mostly in high end retail too. Gay men are common in higher end retail. I have worked with many gay men over the course of my life and I can tell you that the love between two men or women involved in a monogamous relationship is just as deep or intense as in any straight relationship. They have the same fights as heterosexual couples and they are just as concerned with getting the bills paid or who gets out of bed first and who gets to hit the snooze button one more time. Why shouldn’t they be able to share healthcare coverage or any other benefits that committed, heterosexual couples can, because you or I don’t believe in it? It’s not our life.
What if someone suddenly told you that you couldn’t watch Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives or Entourage because those shows contained adultery? If you are more into family programming, how would you feel if the religious zealots boycotted a fantastic show like Friday Night Lights because one of the many real life situations the show addresses is teenage sex? My wife and I would be pretty bummed. What if suddenly you could only buy the more expensive organic food at the grocery store because it was all natural, the way that God intended it to be? Even better, what if there was a motion on the ballot to outlaw all-you-can-eat buffets because gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins? Church goers would hate that. I’ve seen plenty of them, dressed in their Sunday best, at IHOP’s breakfast buffet.
When it comes to politics I consider myself a centrist. To me the issues are national security, heath care, immigration and the economy, in no particular order. I know that makes me seem conservative but I also believe in the environment and not in the religious right. I was leaning towards voting for McCain until he chose Sarah Palin as his running mate. As I already mentioned, her pro-life stance worries me. If she believes it is the governments place to impose its will on a woman’s rights, what else would she stick her nose into?
To sum this whole thing up, let me just say live and let live. Believe me, God will deal with the ones that he is unhappy with. If one of those happens to be me, so be it. It’s His will.