Ode to the Candidates

In honor of the fact that I hate election time more and more each passing day, much like the growing animosity I have for poets who just can’t spit out their feelings in comprehendible prose, I have combined the two things over which I am losing both hair and sleep into one blog entry.
For those of you who have absolutely zero reading comprehension and find my poem as difficult as I find Edmund Spenser and Ezra Pound to understand, allow me to summarize: I hate politics and politicians. None of them are trustworthy, no matter what they say. I get tired of the fact that, every four years, none of the candidates can tell you what they are going to do. They only seem to be able to tell you what their opponent can’t do.
Senator McCain, I want to hear your stance on stem cell research, not that Barack Obama once got a speeding ticket or pooped in his diaper when he was six months old. Senator Obama, can you tell me your plan for the economy or are you only going to tell me that Senator McCain is old and that he pooped in his diaper last week?
Address the issues people. For Christ’s sake, address the issues.
Enjoy this poem, it is meant to make you both think and laugh, not get angry.

Ode to the Candidates

Age or experience to me matter not:
Tis the issues that shall earn my vote.
Adultery, race, disability or awards begot;
None of these of which do I take note.

Doest thou believe in a woman’s right to choose?
For I believe the choice is hers to make,
If against her will her dignity she did lose,
Or due to health she thinks for the child’s sake.

Speaking of health, how do you so lean?
Should the government pay at the risk of taxes high?
Or should I lose the benefits of which my boss had to seen,
And sickly, poor and uninsured shall I die?

Evenly will you charge society a tax?
And a flat rate choose to let Congress pass.
Or on the rich or poor will you be lax?
Until there no longer is a middle class.

My love, my life and property will you let me defend?
By maintaining my right to own a gun
Or is my right to bear arms nearing its end?
At which point it is the criminals who have won.

About the economy, how do you plan to proceed?
Please don’t roll the dice and hope for mere blind luck.
For even I know a solid plan is what we need,
Or the repo man might come and take my truck.

The borders? Do you plan to leave them open?
Letting any and all continue to arrive.
Allowing cheap laborers to continuously come in,
And take the jobs for which born Americans may strive.

Terrorists! Terrorists! Terrorists!
Please tell me you have a strategy to eradicate
Those who cheer our demise with tight clenched fists
And kill our innocents out of misguided religious hate.

The War! The War! The War!
Will it end or will it drag on?
It’s time to bring the troops home from afar,
And allow a mother to lay her eyes on an unfamiliar son.

Hussein! Hussein! Hussein!
A moniker that reminds the world of evil
But is a man made a person by his name?
Is every man a pervert that shares the name Bill?

Abuse! Abuse! Abuse!
That is what Sarah Palin did with her elected power.
I hope to be as much or even more so amused
When you break your neck falling off that ivory tower.

When you enter the booth choose carefully who you elect
Vote based on the facts and not on television smears
The wrong vote and this country could end up wrecked
And there is nothing we can do about it for another four long years.